Ode to Mammon


zombie-washington-dollarI thank Thee, Mammon.

I thank Thee because Thou hast bequeathed upon me such fecundity and blessing,

And all Thou hast asked in return 

Is my time, my freedom, and my soul.


I praise Thee, Mammon.

I praise Thee because Thou makest possible

The accumulation and consumption of innumerable shiny, new, and useless wastes of time.


I worship Thee, Mammon.

I worship Thee because Thou demandest of me nothing less,

For upon Thine altar I place my future and the desires of my heart.


I “love” Thee, Mammon.

I “love” Thee, because when I order my entire existence to acquire You, 

And suspend my hopes to possess You,

Well, I don’t know what else to call it. . . .




  1. MelissaAugust 5, 2014

    A fucking alter it is, goddamn. Thank you for this, soothes my crazy-ass soul.

    “The accumulation and consumption of innumerable shiny, new, and useless wastes of time.”

  2. JasonAugust 5, 2014

    Thanks, Melissa!

  3. RubinAugust 7, 2014

    This isn’t poetry; it’s just bad writing. It’s vanity trying to hide itself with poor sarcasm. It’s akin to Pink Floyd’s misquoting of 1 Tim. 6:10 in the song “Money”. It’s akin but Floyd actually HAS talent.

  4. JasonAugust 7, 2014

    It doesn’t even rhyme, either.

    PS – I’m bummed, I was actually hoping for the comparison to be in a more Cyndi Lauper, “Money Changes Everything” direction.

  5. RubinAugust 7, 2014

    Only someone with bad musical taste would want a comparison to someone as douchey as Lauper, but hey that’s you.

  6. melissaAugust 7, 2014

    Yo, girls just want to have fun, bitches.

  7. JasonAugust 7, 2014

    None more than Jan Crouch…

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