In episode #10 of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Christian and I discuss the thorny issue of sex education. Now to be honest, I have not actually listened back to it myself, so I don’t remember exactly what I said on the matter. I’ll take a stab at re-presenting some of my thoughts, and you can feel free to push back and challenge them.
My main concern is that I am uncomfortable with something of such monumental significance being taught to my children by a P.E. teacher (true story in my case). This kind of education should be happening primarily in the home, with outside sources reinforcing what mom or dad is already communicating.
Secondly, what if (that’s hypothetical language, by the way) a family’s values don’t match up with a school’s? For example, what if a parent doesn’t think that sex should be something that’s engaged in willy nilly (ha ha. “Willy.”)? What if in a child’s home sex means something more than scratching a biological itch? What if sex is a sacred act that, generally speaking, is reserved for marriage (gasp!)?
If such is the case in some homes (and I’m sure it is), is it consistent with those parents’ values to have their children taught what virtually all liberals say when discussion this issue: “Look, kids have sex, and there’s nothing we can do about it. So we may as well teach them how to do it safely”?
I’m not arguing against sex education concerning things like STDs, contraception, pregnancy, etc. But my main point is that it should happen primarily in the home and then be reinforced by outside sources with similar values as mom and dad. And yes, I think that same consistency should be there for families with liberal values as for those with traditional ones. This is not about protecting a particular worldview or seeking its favor, it’s about the freedom of parents to have the option to NOT have their own voices in their children’s lives drowned out by others — whether liberal or conservative — who undermine the values they’re trying to instill in their kids.
For a fuller discussion, listen here.
I still don’t understand your problem with the “liberal” statement “Kids have sex…so we may as well educate them about it.” The only problem I can see you having with that statement is if you’re reading into it something that’s not there, such as: “all kids are having sex”, “let’s encourage them to have sex”, or “let’s not teach them about abstinence.” Personally, I don’t think any of those are implied by the statement you seem to have an issue with.
Having listened to your podcast, I’d say the primary job is the parent’s, but some parents are not having that discussion, so it will fall to the schools to educate them.
Having the schools teach your kids does nothing to prevent you from trying to impart the moral, ethical, and emotional knowledge you have about the subject to your kids.
But some kids don’t have parents that will do that, and frankly we need to get them the information about sex, contraceptives, keeping themselves safe, and the concepts of consent and self respect.
We especially need to do so if we wish to see the stats for teen pregnancy to decline, reduce overall unwanted pregnancies (and consequently abortion rates), prevent one of the factors for poverty, and prevent STDs and the impact on the health sector they have.
What are these “outside sources”? I assume public schools. If so, are you suggesting that public schools should somehow tailor things for each student in relation to what sort of home he comes from? If so, that seems unrealistic. From my experience as a student and parent, public schools do their best to represent the values of their community by having parents sit on review boards, etc. (You haven’t lived until you’re the only dad sitting with a bunch of moms you know from the neighborhood watching cartoons demonstrating how pubic hair grows on sixth grade girls.) If you don’t much care for what you see, you can simply exempt your kid when sex ed week rolls around. You may have to deal with a kid who doesn’t appreciate you making him read a book while everybody else gets to watch thrilling videos about pubic hair and not so thrilling discussions about B.O., but…
So when you say “…it’s about the freedom of parents to have the option to NOT have their own voices in their children’s lives drowned out by others,” I agree but I also wonder where you think this really happens, because from my experience so do public schools agree. Who’s forcing kids to be exposed to things their parents would rather them not?
As a sex educator myself (albeit mostly to young adults) my experience has been that most if not all sex ed curricula requires parent permission. Which I’m sure would lead to more parent/child discussion at home about sex. Also from the podcast Jason expressed discomfort (understandably) at 13 year-olds learning to put on condoms on a penis model, but with the curricula that I am familiar with at the Middle School level condoms are talked about, a picture is shown on a power point, but actual condom demos are usually reserved for High School.
The good news is teen pregnancy rates in the US have been declining for 20 years. Reasons for this have been teens are waiting longer to have sex and when they do, they are using contraception. http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html
Well, I’m happy to eventually be proved wrong about this when my kids get older. My main point is that there seems to be an implicit (and sometimes explicit) view of sex that is presupposed by those who would instruct our children, and if that underlying view is not shared by the parents, then something needs to be done.
And by the way, I would object to an overtly-religious view of sex being taught in public schools as well, if there were no other alternatives presented.
It’s all so thorny, which is why a once-size-fits-all approach is unlikely to work very well.