Words and Art by Amanda
I always tell people that the church never taught me how beautiful God is.
Growing up, I sat at the table of a very strict God who rationed out food based upon my performance. His grace was dished out in careful moderation, so as not to be abused, but earned. Those of us who ate at the table spent our meal times boasting about our deeds (for the Father’s glory of course) with false humility and the dual motivation to please a fickle God, as well as to send envy into the hearts of our fellow diners.
While this misrepresentation of God can oftentimes drive me to the border of bitterness, the real sadness lies in the neglect of the true gifts He had given me. Always wanting to be a writer, this was seen as second to the truly spiritual calling of ministry. The longing to learn and create through word and art was constantly at battle against God’s true calling on my life; a life tempered and refined through the sacrifice of what I felt was a creative compulsion, to what was spiritual. Whatever evoked the greater sense of sacrifice, was indeed the more spiritual, the more right, the one choice that doubtless pleased God.
It took me years to break through, to silence the lies, to ignore the standards of fundamentalism and to embrace what had been given to me at birth, freely. Yes, I can err on the side of overcompensation, but I’d rather find myself in the camp of the awkwardly human, than the fabricatedly spiritual. I determined if one of God’s greatest attributes was revealed in Creation, then how could my mirrored act of creating, not please Him?
Recently I was asked to join a group of local creatives with similarly spiritual leanings. There was something deeply stirring about being involved with people who have no spiritual misunderstandings regarding their freedom of artistic expression. They had no agenda: “What does God want me to do with this gift?” “Is it glorifying to God?” “Couldn’t I be doing something more spiritual that this?” “Are people being led to Christ through my art?” There was no hesitation, no doubt, just joy.
For me, it was better than church. Not to say such gatherings would supersede the necessity for doctrine and corporate fellowship, but for me, I learned more about God in those few hours, was more challenged in my spiritual convictions, and more determined to use my creative gifts, than I had been in years.
The church never taught me how beautiful God, but I find hints of Him within the words someone’s story, hidden in the lines of an atheist’s song, and smeared through the paint of the searching.
Really good post. One thing I have noticed is that the demand to choose between heaven and earth, between the spiritual and the human, is a false dichotomy. Something about the Incarnation or whatever.
Beautifully put Amanda! And absolutely agree :)! I am reading a book that I would recommend every Christian to read and I wish I had read it at least ten years earlier. Title: How people grow (by Henry Cloud and John Townsend). The writers claim, there is no such thing as “spiritual growth”, one cannot seperate the spiritual and physical, but if you grow that will be obvious in your everyday life, as well. (Just what you expressed in your writing, here!) And having something that makes you alive is such a great thing!! Like writing in your case… I think it is singing for me, and music… Then time stops and something is revealed from Heaven, something so much more than words would be able to express about the BEAUTY of God! I love delighting in Him! (Just got home from a beautiful Christmas concert – I can’t wait to experience music in Heaven…) Oh, I should stop… Just thank you for your honesty and showing God’s beauty through your writing… I could definitely feel and see that through Hungarian Tears, as well… 🙂
It is tragic that people within the four walls of the church have such an aversion, almost a disdain, for expression of art in any form. I think it stems from an under-the-surface system of thought that passion is bad and therefore anything that prods/stirs strong emotion is to be avoided. In doing so, we fear and thieve ourselves of one of the most beautiful attributes we carry as favored creation, created in the image of Creator.
Mercy, I love reading you.
I would also point out that Amanda is describing a uniquely Protestant phenomenon. Juss sayin.’
HashtagCatholicsProsthelytizeToo
This summer I went through a book with friends titled, ‘Entrepreneurs of Life’, by Os Guinness. It was about this very subject. It told the stories of people like Ayn Rand, William Wilberforce and their impact on society for good or bad. The book centered on the subject of our unique eternal calling in God’s great universe.
This subject needs to be talked about, after all, if we are made in God’s image, shouldn’t we use those unique giftings for the betterment of mankind?
Andi, I love what you shared. I’ll have to check out that book. Honestly, being free to be creative within the church (Protestant, Jason) is very new for me. I would love to gleen from the experience of others.
Jason, very good point. The Catholic Church has been supporting the arts for centuries.
Noelle, I have never understood why the Protestant church has felt threatened by the creativity of men. Maybe because creativity cannot be controlled and what cannot be controlled will eventually spiral down towards Hell, therefore cut it off from the beginning. I think traditionally it was a reaction to the excess within the Catholic Church, but now 500 year later, not sure why they still dig their heels in.
Stephanie, I’m sorry I didn’t respond sooner. What a cool concept for a book. I’m familiar with Wilberforce more than Rand’s life, although I know her works. It would be truly interesting to read the book. Guinness has been a defender of the arts for years and I would love to read his take on this. I’m glad you alerted me to it.
“I always tell people that the church never taught me how beautiful God is.”
This is the beauty of our Hebrew/Jewish roots. Greek thinking posits the abstracts, Hebrew thinking says “Let us go experience the creator.” One a noun, one a verb. Thank you for being a “verb.” Shalom to you and your beautiful family.
What a great post. You might be heartened to know that last night I with a small group of actors performed an original piece at a mega church and the experience was full of what theater people call “holy moments.” These artists and people of good will came together with painting, song, acting, graphic and sound design, and hard work, and offered something beautiful and thoughtful, and unmistakenly spiritual!
Nothing about the night offended my sense of truth, and the response was authentic and sweet. Yay for Art, Church and the Beauty of God coming together!
Keep striving for the vision! It happens some times!
David, Thank you. Your heart and insight as always so affirming and centering for me. I’m truly thankful for your friendship.
Michael, I love hearing about events like this. I recently heard that a church my husband used to work for had an artist painting during worship – this is so different from something they EVER would have done 5 years ago. I was so amazed and blessed to see some churches embracing the arts as a gift from God. Thank you for sharing.
Your writings hit home for me. Beautifully written. Love every word you artfully put together that just makes sense. God is love, and love works.