As many of you know, I wrote a post over at Creed Code Cult recently titled “Two Years a Catholic” in which I, having realized that the two-year anniversary of my “apostasy” had arrived, sought to give a brief update on how things have been going for me.
As I relay in the post, things have been pretty horrible.
That post has garnered a fair bit of attention from the Calvinist Protestants whom I sagely predicted would burst with glee at my difficulties. Actually, strike that. There was nothing sagacious about my prophecy, it was as predictable as the temp at which water boils or Peter Jackson mucking up Tolkien’s work by using too much CGI.
Here’s an excerpt from one article:
You ARE a traitor to the gospel, Jason. I warned you of that in my office. I made it clear, remember? We actually believe that to be true. Apostasy has consequences. You are surprised that we find you someone who needs to repent and abandon your error? That the church you had been entrusted with leading would rather not have a shepherd-turned-wolf wandering amongst the sheep? Is that really all that difficult to understand?
Here’s one from another (the opening line of which reads “Warning: Graphic Content”):
He tried to portray himself as hip and cool, but really, as recent history has shown, he was one of the weak ones. Bryan Cross and the Called-to-Communion gang put a big target on his head and set him in their sights. Of course the folks at CTC treated him as one of their trophies. Like a returning war hero. Thanks to the growing power and speed of the Internet, we can see the “crash-and-burn” in real-time.
And here’s a comment from a woman from my former church:
From my experience with Jason, he is reaping what he himself has sown. My prayer is that God smite him real good because unless God does, he is going to continue in his blindness, sin and folly. Jason has the craftiness and manipulative-ness of Jacob, but look what God did with Jacob!
(And tellingly, according to this former seminary professor of mine, the fact that I am being treated as a wolf out to devour Jesus’ little lambs by some folks at Exile Presbyterian is a testament to how well I trained them to metaphorically burn heretics at the stake:
But that sort of resolve on the part of Jason’s family and former congregation, as painful as it is for him, is likely a tribute to his ability to minister the word and cultivate in both his family and congregants a commitment to what the Bible teaches. Is it any consolation to Jason that he was seemingly a successful Protestant pastor?
Irony is bitchin. . . .
A lot of people have asked me to address my critics and offer some kind of rebuttal to them, but to be perfectly honest, I just don’t have it in me to do so (other than to suggest that if your theological paradigm causes you to kick a guy when he’s down, your consistency by doing so may be commendable, but your paradigm is turning you into a consistent asshole).
While I was a Protestant, I was a pretty damn good one: I liked to debate, I enjoyed theological sparring, and I relished the thought of a good internet kill. And during my earliest days as a Catholic I suppose I just sort of continued operating like a bloodthirsty Calvinist.
But a point came when I just lost interest.
I don’t know if this makes me a bad Catholic or a super good one, but I reached a place where I genuinely don’t care what people think of me, and I have no interest in trying to prove myself right, or justified, or anything else for that matter. Yes, it does hurt when people judge my motives and impugn my character (like when they say I became a Catholic for the money, or that the tears I shed when addressing my congregation for the last time were fake). But unlike in my Calvinist days, the absolute last thing I think about doing when people criticize me on their websites is roll up my sleeves and offer a point-by-point response. Instead I just roll my eyes and worship Mary.
So anyway, yeah, I have this blog. And yeah, I do a weekly podcast with my agnostic best friend called Drunk Ex-Pastors in which we debate religious and cultural issues (often finding agreement), we do shots, we take listeners’ calls, and occasionally use quote-unquote bad words.
If you don’t like it, don’t listen to it (or if it makes you feel better, listen and mock it publicly and thereby drive up our traffic). If you think that by sitting across from an agnostic, drinking whiskey, and speaking my mind I’m debasing myself or harming my public image (or, as one detractor just warned me today, I’m “throwing away the opportunity to become a Roman Catholic celebrity”), well, thanks for the concern, but I’m good. I would rather live a relatively quiet religious life as a civilian who happens to be also-Catholic than create some new Catholic version of my old Protestant self.
Plus, I suck at being Catholic anyway. But if Chesterton was right when he said that anything worth doing is worth doing poorly, then I’ll just have to find a way to be content being bad at something good.
OK, fire away. I’ll be over there, not caring. . . .
Indeed. Very indeed.
i really wish i could understand the joy, and pleasure, that is conveyed by so many Christians when another human being is down. we all ride the wheel; sometimes we are up, and sometimes we are down. we all know what that feels like to some degree. but especially, those of us who have had to endure a massive paradigm shift. i agree with you, Jason. their desire to defend the scriptures is commendable. but Christian Culture has a feature to it, in that when we see the opportunity to love, and minister to another, whom we may not agree with, we often will use the opportunity to strike them, and cut them instead. i understand the importance of correct theology. i understand that many were hurt by your choice to leave the Presbyterian Church. but this kind of treatment is just shitty. and what’s worse, is that some will dismiss, and be more offended that i used the word, “shitty,” than they will be over the problem of Christians forgetting their love for one another.
i’m sorry you’re going through this Jason. i’ve gone through a similar situation myself, even if the circumstances were different. but that kind of reproach is shameful in my opinion.
Thanks, Hector. But your choice of language? Please. This is a family establishment. . . .
That some would relish this opportunity to prove there is a causal relationship between your conversion and the “shit hitting the fan” proves little more than the sad reality of petty factionalism. Imagine going through difficulties but safe under the shelter of their ideological tent: you may have been consoled that “the devil hates the fact that you’re doing good,” or that you are being “attacked” or “tested” and need to persevere. Oh, and never mind this all feels like a situation we see in a certain Old Testament book specifically about the meaning of suffering.
The not-caring-enough-to-respond comes from the problem of not even knowing where to start (and also foreseeing no possible end.) It comes from a certain wisdom being in and around the internet long enough: debates, rebuttals etc. are, online, often reduced to asserting one’s pride over another—literally the most un-Christian thing we can do.
Anyway, I’m very sorry you’ve been hurt by those you love or respect. I don’t think you have no fight left—just the opposite. I think you’re saving your energy for the fight that really matters.
I’m praying for you and your family. Phil 4:7
This idea that you’re “reaping what you’ve sown” is interesting, especially when looked at from the Christian perspective, since what happens to you materially isn’t supposed to be considered a sign of what has happened to you spiritually…at least not in the New Testament or in the life of Jesus. If so, Jesus must have really screwed up.
Also, the wish that god would “smite [you] real good” doesn’t seem consistent with biblical principles either, at least not any that I’m familiar with. Maybe she’s sticking with the Psalms for her principles though.
So I’m going to have to disagree with Professor Hart. Maybe you weren’t a very good pastor! (Or, more likely, maybe this woman wasn’t a very good listener.)
I’ve encountered many Protestants who look at the Catholic Christians being slaughtered like animals in the Middle East and say, *they deserve it; they aren’t Christian anyway; there are Christians and then there are those just going through the motions; they are anti-Semites; blah blah blah*. Looking back at my Protestant years and the treatment I received from family and friends after my conversion I’d have to say that heartlessness is pretty much par for the course. Not sure what kind of faith generates such goodness.
Well said. I take my shots when I can, hopefully more in fun than from malice as time goes on, but there isn’t a shot to be taken with this one.
In my understanding of Calvinism (and as a Catholic I probably do not have a good understanding) God predestined those who would be saved as the “elect” and the rest of us are predestined to damnation. Therefore, under this paradigm you would not be one of the elect, so why the hostility? If they are so upset about take it up with God….their anger seems as if you freely turned your back on God.
I don’t know. It sure seems like instead of converting and fading into the Catholic woodwork like some other R&P pastors have done, you converted and then took a lot of public shots both theologically and personally, then when publicly pushed back on said, “See, told you they were a bunch of a-holes.” From over here it sure fells like the game is rigged.
Doesn’t Darryl get any credit for pushing back on White’s smarmy grandstanding?
If it helps, the “reaping what you’ve sown” stuff seems like a form of prosperity gospel, as if temporal life and eternal belief correspond. Odd how when it comes to Tiber swimming so many Calvinists turn into Pentecostals.
Thanks for the encouragement, everyone.
And Zrim, yes, early on I did assume that I would be “that guy” who makes a public case for the Church. But as I said in the post, I soured on that idea very quickly (which is why I don’t really write for or comment at Creed Code Cult anymore).
And sure, Darryl can have a tip of the hat (but Charter gets a free beer).
“Instead I just roll my eyes and worship Mary.”
And perhaps you could have added, “and give your life purpose”. I’d be happy with that. I mean without guys like you, what would people like “that” do in their free time?
Jason, Darryl has such a hard-on for you.
But seriously, even though I’m a Calvinist, I support your decision and it makes me so sad to see supposed “men of God” acting like this toward you.
Oh and I’m sure you’d beat the shit out of all of them in a fistfight.
Great article Jason!
I commend you on your strength and courage to stay true to you.
Hugs!
[…] Shortly thereafter, Jason followed up with another post, “No Fight Left, Or So It Seems” […]
Jason, maybe if you just took your eyes off yourself for a moment, you would see. Now you know how I feel when the people on your blog told me to go hang myself and they would supply the rope. If you cant see that your miserable inside because you made the wrong decision. Apathy wont change what your feeling. Only the peace that comesvthru the right gospel.
Kevin, when did Jason tell you that he was miserable inside? Just curious. I haven’t heard him say that. If you’re just referring to how difficult things are for him, well shoot, where were you when Jesus was sweating great drops of blood in the garden. He could have really used your advice.
Go read Job.
Kevin, I sincerely apologize if that was said to you at CCC (and no, I didn’t see it). I promise you that no one will ever say anything like that to you here.
[…] critics, past or present, I would only say that I’m just going to keep on disappointing you. Like I said recently, while being Catholic is good, I am not very good at it. And if you want to chat about that, the […]
Jason, I’m sorry that we didn’t get a chance to share our respective CCHS-to-PCA stories while you were still in the PCA. It sounds like you’ve had to deal with a lot of people who seem to think they should be throwing bombs for “the truth,” and that must have been quite difficult. I’ve been blessed with a much less contentious presbytery in NY State. I’d be glad to talk sometime if it would ever be helpful or welcome.
Hey Matt,
What years were you at CCHS? If we ever meet, first round’s on me.
Class of ’94. I’m not sure whether you and Christian were three or four years ahead of me. I was on the volleyball team and I remember Christian from that context, but he may have been graduated by that time.
We were both ’91. Did you know my brother Justin? He was ’94.
Justin and I weren’t in the same social group, but I knew who he was. I hope he is well.
Jason,
Are you sure you want to go this route? A couple of questions;
1. Is it one of your personal goals to be a saint? If not…. What else is there?
2. What priorities in your life rank above your personal sanctication?
3. What impact do you want to have on the people that look up to you as a spiritual role model?
Finally, do you think that presenting yourself to the world as a former cursing drunken pastor is consistent with your answers to questions 1-3?
Sincerely,
Ken
I can’t speak for Jason but I don’t think being a Catholic Apologist is the only road to sanctification.
Hey Kenneth,
My goal is to be who I am, and to do my best to love God and neighbor. If that’s not saintly, what else is?
If personal sanctification consists of what I wrote above, none.
Honestly, I would like to impact them to stop doing that. I have been “looked up to as a spiritual role model” since I was a teenager, and it’s incredibly tiring. And until you’ve played that role you’ll have a hard time understanding the pressure it brings with it.
The sooner people learn that I’m just a sinner bound to disappoint them, the better.
Jason,
My goal is to be who I am, and to do my best to love God and neighbor. If that’s not saintly, what else is?
Sounds about right to me.
Honestly, I would like to impact them to stop doing that. I have been “looked up to as a spiritual role model” since I was a teenager, and it’s incredibly tiring. And until you’ve played that role you’ll have a hard time understanding the pressure it brings with it.
I cant understand that sort of pressure on a large scale, but I feel it with my family. Wouldnt you agree that some people are always watching, whether we like it or not? Is it your goal to impact *everyone* in such a way that they do not look up to you anymore?
How do you hold out hope that group A will be scared off, with group B still intact?
The sooner people learn that I’m just a sinner bound to disappoint them, the better.
The better for whom? Your God? Your neighbor? Or you?
Your story had a big impact on my journey into the Church(and by extension my whole family). I feel disappointed, because you seem to have given up on your own witness. You want to tuck it away now, and content yourself with attending mass all alone. Its your life friend, but I hope that once the dust settles, we will all find you being the evangelist and light to the world you were born to be…. rather than cursing beneath the shade of wrathful grapes.
Sincerely,
Ken
[…] No Fight Left, Or So It Seems […]
This is AWESOME!! In 2008, I converted from Southern Baptist to Catholicism. Never in my spiritual, church going life have I felt more accepted and more loved than in the Catholic church. My husband is a “cradle Catholic” and likes to joke about “Catholic guilt.” I tell him to attend a Baptist revival and then take to me about guilt. 🙂 Thank you for telling your story Jason…despite the ones out there who wish to harm and insult you, there are ones, like me, cheering you on.
Thanks so much, GLH!